Always by my side

Received this in the mail today. This is one of the glass pieces that we commissioned to have made with Kodo’s ashes. Not the best pic- glass is always soo tricky to photograph well, so I think it is even prettier in person.

This is a small worry stone to keep with me in my wallet or pocket. The other piece which isn't done yet is a globe for display. Very happy with the results so far!

We got these through Spirit Pieces online. 

Regal Dozer with Purple Dragon

This is his roughly 17-month portrait. Looking at the dignity and grace in this photo, you would never guess that 5 minutes later he was trying to trot off with an unopened soda can in his mouth (which he apparently wanted to chew to death and swallow). 

Work?

What is this 'work' thing daddy?  Is it really more important than *ME*?!?!  Cuz I don't THINK so!!!!

The Princess and the Sock(s)

Tali was a little droopy and off this weekend, then started throwing up after every meal. We were planning on holding off food for 24 hours then taking her into the vet if symptoms persisted.  Then after about 8 hours of this, she puked up an extremely disgusting sock.  :\ And suddenly felt a lot perkier!  Then the next morning sock #2 emerged the other way. No idea where she got them since she really isn't a sock eater- thinking we need to blame the Doozle for that.  At least everything *ahem* came out OK? And a stressful weekend and a number of gray hairs later...!

Park day

50s today, so we took the kids for over 2-mile hike on the bridle trails

Saga of the Sock

Hydrogen peroxide is our new best friend.  :\ when he was supposed to be all tired from his hike, Doz managed to sneak off with a pair of Brian's heavy wool hiking socks and got one down the hatch and was working on the second before I realized the bone-chewing noises had changed.  When we couldn't find sock 1 anywhere, we decided the back yard parade was our best bet to be safe.  And yup, it was the right choice.  Poor little guy hates hydrogen peroxide and bucks like a bronco when he sees the dropper coming toward him, but fortunately he also forgives quickly after the fact. :(

Building memories

Took our 2 out to the parks to make some new memories there. It was a beautiful day!

  

Dozer was so proud of his big-boy backpack! We got it for Kodo way back when he was a bouncy youngster, and I wasn't expecting it to fit Doz well since he has a much narrower chest and torso than Kodo did, but it was adjustable enough we made it work. Didn't calm Doz down noticeably though.

 

And we saw a Pileated Woodpecker! (which we hardly ever see since they stay off the beaten path around here)- I think it must have been Kodo letting us know he was watching.

   

Brought the bear back home today

Another lapdog

What does "you are crushing me!" mean??

Silly sleeper, instance 2

Bernese Mountain Dog or warm winter hat? Why not both!

Sibbie spooning

Adjusting to the new norm

There is going to be a long road ahead of us to adjust to the new normal, but it has to start with baby steps.  Today we started the day seeing snow on the ground for the first time in a while.  Yesterday's weather pretty much exemplified the mood of the day.  Today there were still definite bouts of sadness for both of us.  Instead of a cold and blustery storm which occurred all day yesterday, today was beautiful and calm outside.  Winter was always Kodo's favorite weather, so after yesterday, today's mix of snow and the sunshine almost felt like he was sending this amazing day in his own pooh-bear way.

We decided to enjoy the moments with the little ones beginning with a romp in the back yard.  We started play tug with Dozer and his long, rope...while Tali went off to her normal treebark eating.

Dozer was getting some pretty good height trying to go for the rope:

We also made sure to spent time with the bunny, even though she was kinda doing her own independent walkabout:


Since we had been preoccupied over the last week, we thought it best to spoil the pups and also take them out to the metroparks.  I made sure to bring the good camera to capture the moments.

Thanks for the beautiful day, Kodo.  I see you up there looking down on us right now:

Easter bunny came early!

Dozer portrait in snow

Tali bday a little late

With all the sadness surrounding Kodo's diagnosis and passing, the princess' birthday got a little neglected.  But we got a big snowstorm last night, and she and baby brother got to race and race in the snow this morning.  And when she was done and ready for me to feed her breakfast, I was able to get this beautiful shot of her all alert and smiling with snowflakes powdering her little head.  Happy 6th birthday baby chipmunk!

Snow-baby races

Best of Bears

Almost 10 years ago today, Beck and I had come back from meeting a small litter of Berner pups that were up for adoption. When they brought in the pups, they all charged into the room, running all over the place and doing what pups do: playing with each other and getting into things. Well, all except for one. This "teeny" pup named "Coke" had a spotted pink nose. He ignored all the tomfoolery going on with his siblings. Instead, he noticed the two new people in the room and immediately ran up to greet us and see what we were all about. It was almost as if he chose us.

After the meeting, we had been going back and forth on the final adoption decision for a little while. Beck and I knew that adding a new furry member to our family would have been a huge adjustment. One of the nights, we were randomly discussing over some Chinese takeout. At the end of the meal, I cracked open my fortune cookie which read:

"You are offered the dream of a lifetime. Say Yes!"

And just like that, the decision was made.

Our lives changed for the better two weeks later when Kodo (formerly Coke) came into our lives. These ten years flew by in a blink of an eye. One day he was this scared little pup who ran behind me when he heard some scary noise in the dark. Then all of a sudden he's a 130-lb adolescent, bursting with energy, romping with me in the backyard...to now, with his distinguished gray muzzle, thinning fur, weak hips, and a penchant for sleep.

Today is the day I would never be prepared for - the day we had to say goodbye. I know you were more ready than I'll ever be, but I take solace in the fact that when you wake next, you'll be getting up pain-free and running with that same joy you had so many years ago.

Thank you for all the love that you have given us through the years. You truly have been the best of bears!

-br

Kodo

In 2007, we had started talking about getting our first dog. New house, fence planned for next spring, so the timing seemed right.  We had bounced around breeds for a bit until at a dog show we started chatting with a really nice lady (who we found out later was one of the better known breeders and show-ers of Bernese in our state and possibly the country). She brought this young boy Berner out for us to meet and he shoulder-rolled into our laps and lay there for belly-rubs for a half-hour.. and we were hooked.

Early 2008 we started doing research into breeders and had struck up an email conversation with one about 2-3 hours drive from us. She invited us out to visit so we could get to know each other. We spent probably over an hour answering her questions and asking her our own (and meeting one or two of her adults) before she brought the puppies out to see us.  2 males, 15-16 weeks old, and one female around 12-13 weeks.  The bigger boy was constant motion, grabbing my scarf, running around in circles.  The girl hid under a chair and wouldn't come visit.  But the other boy?  Put his paws up on my knee, then tucked himself between my legs and the chair and stared up at me while I rubbed his chest and fuzzy little ears.  Again, hooked.

We drove home, talking about the second little guy, trying to decide if we were ready.  Spent the evening bouncing ideas back and forth, wobbling on the decision.  We ordered Chinese food for dinner that night, and when Brian cracked open his cookie the fortune read "You are offered the dream of a lifetime.  Say yes."

We did. And he was.  He really, really was. Today, after 10 years and 3 months of joys and walks, jokes and romps, drool and tracked mud, love and companionship, the greatest heart I have ever known stopped beating. I feel like half my heart is gone.

RIP Kodo, 12/1/2007-3/1/2018

-bee

The long goodbye - epilogue

After we said goodbye, Beck and I went to the car and just broke down.  We knew it was time and he is no longer in any discomfort or pain, but our grieving was just starting.

The calm rain had turned into a cold, sleety mess.  The wind picked up and the temperature seemed to drop.  We had to stop for gas on the way, and the weather was just volatile outside.  It definitely reflected our roller coaster of emotions.  

The other day, I was envisioning Kodo falling asleep, then waking up in a snowy field.  He stood up only to find that he did not have to struggle nor did it hurt.  Eventually, he took off bounding through the snow like a cheetah, as he would often refer to himself (in my Kodo voice.)

When we got home, we let Tali and Dozer out and had a good cry with them.  Dozer was actually a blessing to have at the time...he wouldn't never allow us to break down for too long.  I don't know if he detects sadness, but it seems that every time we started to cry, he tried to shove a random toy in your face...or stick his nose right on your ear as if he were truffle hunting until you bust out laughing.

Now, at home, we have a digital frame on the wall.  It has maybe 200 photos on it.  The pictures are of various subjects...family, pets, landscapes, etc.  One photo shows up on the frame, then after 30 seconds, it will flip to the next photo...and the next and the next.  When we got home, the frame turned on as it usually does.  The photo that was showing on screen was Kodo, with a huge smile on his face doing the sloppiest of sits in the snow.  Of all the photos on the frame with all the different subjects, Kodo in the snow was the one that showed up.  Not only that, but an thirty minutes had passed, and somehow the photo never flipped to the next.  The frame somehow was paused on the picture.  

  

I suppose it have been just pure coincidence, but a part of me truly believes that somehow K was sending us a sign that he was doing just fine.  While our sadness and tears won't be ending anytime soon, we're happy to hear that you made your journey, bear.  Run like a cheetah until we can see you again!

The long goodbye - part 2

I woke up early the morning of the final day to cold and pouring rain.   Kodo was slow to wake up, and when he did he needed to go out for tummy issues again, though he didn't stay out long.  I am a little sad that the weather was so bad, since he much preferred sleeping on his patio but he doesn't like staying out in drenching rain- look at those eyes!

 

Still no interest in chicken or the nice canned food, but once he came back in and flopped in the kitchen I set up a camp chair next to him and petted and plied him with hot dogs which his eyes were still lighting up for.  He also showed a lot of interest in my breakfast yogurt, so I gave him some of that as well.

He seemed tired but restless- jerking awake from sleep a couple times as if he had twinges of pain- but mostly stayed sleeping for the morning with a few breaks to rush outside again. At least he got dried with his favorite towel when he came back inside- he always loved being dried and smiling up at us from under the towel.<3 nbsp="" p="">

Brian got up, and we took turns sitting with him and snuggling him while the other ate lunch and got things ready. We had pulled out the puppy blanket and first stuffed toy that came home with us from his breeder 10 years ago.

We had decided to head out around 2:30 (appointment was 4:15), stop by Arby's to get him roast beef, then go down to his park.  We had originally planned to do a little walk down by the river in the place he always loved best, but between the weather and his tiredness and struggles to move we decided we would change the plan up and planned to park in the park instead, leave the tailgate open, and sit in the back and feed him roast beef and let him smell all the park smells.
Brian took him out front while I pulled the car around and got the seats up so we could get him in.  He started wandering up and down our front sidewalk with Brian, just sniffing and checking things out.

We got to the Arby's drive-through, and he actually picked his head up and sat up once he smelled the roast beef in the bag!


When we got to our park, the usual roads were blocked off with signs saying "closed for wildlife management".  We couldn't get near any of his normal spots because of the closures, so we parked in the Frostville Museum parking lot right next to the park, pointed the back of the car toward the woods and opened the tailgate facing the green field and the rain.  It was about 3pm when we parked.  We moved to the back with the bear and broke out the Arby's roast beef sandwich.  K's eyes immediately lit up.  We weren't sure if his tastes had changed since the Arby's outing on Sunday, but he was still as excited as ever.  He ate like a champ.  He had snarfed the sandwich within the first 10 minutes and we still had plenty of time to feed him some hot dog bits, which he devoured with no problem as well.  So we set an alarm for 3:35pm and decided to take it all in.  We sat there in the back, both of us by his side petting and hugging him, savoring the time.  There was something perfect about the moment.  The rain was coming down, but it was a calm rain.  I think all three of us felt the weight of the moment...but it was peaceful.  We took pictures and videos.  We reminisced and hugged and tried to soak in every last bit of our remaining time together...and then the alarm rang.

We drove to the vet's office for our appointment. We had opted not to do an in-home visit since we wanted to get HIS vet.  She gushed over him from his very first appointment and has always loved him and been his buddy through all the years. Also, unlike other dogs who get stressed at the vet, Kodo always thought it was an exciting adventure with all the smells and people and other dogs.  Today was no exception.  While we were in the lobby, K saw another teeny pup that he just had to greet.  He was tired, but he always managed to find the energy to get a sniff or two in.  It didn't take long for them to call us into the room.  As we were walking to the room Kodo's back legs had given out as they often do.  We had to use the harness to get him back up. They first needed to do some blood draws for the canine cancer research lab.  When they brought him back we tried to offer him more hot dogs, but this time, he turned his head away - telling us, we believe, that he was done and ready to rest.  He lay down, laid his head in our laps and went to sleep quickly, quietly, and peacefully while we held him and told him how much we loved him and that he was the best dog that had ever lived.  And he truly was.